TheLeaderOfThePrincessesOfLight [Volume III]

Ramadhan 2011

2011-08-29T04:35:00.003+08:00

La Hawla WaLa Quwwata Illa billah
There is no Power and Strength except with Allah.

Ramadhan has come, and ramadhan is going to end. Like other Ramadhans, This Ramadhan, to me is a fulfilling one. I have learnt alot of things in this holy month. I've learnt about the power of family, the power of friends. The power of solat, and also tilawat. Alhamdulillah, as most of us have already known, Ramadhan is the month where we train ourself. Where we take a step back and reflect on our traits and habits. This is the time, where we 'brainwash' ourselves and train to become better people.

We pay more attention to offering solat, we listen to tadzkirah and we train our eyes, ears, mouth, hands, feet and importantly heart. We train them to leave most of the bad habits by fasting.

Not only that, every day we fast, we remember those who are less fortunate. And then we become thankful for everything that Allah has given us. Everything that we did not ask for, but Allah presented them to us. Now, everyday I wake up, I feel grateful for the air, skies, food, peace and shelter.

How powerful could a month be?

Its just a month, what is so special?

It's the month which contains the night of power.

So amidst of all that, again, Almighty Allah presented us with Lailatul Qadr. The night which is better than a thousand nights. Where all the fruits of our good deeds, are multiplied.

This ramadhan, I have new resolutions. But I am not going to reveal it here.
It is a calling, and insyallah, One day, you will find out what it is.

This is why I love Ramadhan, and this is why I feel sad that it is going away.

Till we meet again, insyallah.

When a person ends ramadhan with new aspirations, with the feeling of he has improved in the righteous ways, then Allah has accepted his Ibadah.

Merinduimu

2010-11-17T01:57:00.003+08:00

Allah, Teguhkanlah hati ini...
Kerana tentu aku akan merindui kehadirannya.
Allah, Berikanlah aku ketenangan...
Kerana sungguh, aku tidak akan tenteram tanpa suaranya.

Hati ini merasa pilu, walau berjauhan hanya sehari.
Tidak dapatku mengerti perasaan hati ini.
Walau dapat ku kawal, namun, cintaku padanya membuatku melambung...
Satu perasaan yang sukar dialami...

Allah, berkatilah cinta ini.
Terima Kasihku kepadaMu kerana memberi peluang keemasan ini...
Dan untuk anugerah yang tidak dapat diganti.
Kasihku padamu, adalah sejati.

Universal Studios Singapore

2010-10-17T23:28:00.002+08:00

Good Evening people :)
Long time since I've last blogged (properly)!
Guess what? I went to USS today with my brother (Mikhail) and my bestie's family and relatives. Of course, that includes my BF (her brother). I don't know why I'm telling you all this indiscreetly but, Just so you know...

Anyways, today was the day. THE DAY! The day that I broke a record in the books of Amyra Azist's records. Hurhur. I actually rode 3 'roller coaster' rides. The Revenge of the Mummy, The Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure and the Canopy flyer.

The first ride that we took was The revenge of the Mummy and it was (to me) the scariest! I thought that it would be more of like the Panasonic at Escape Theme Park where the ride would not involve making me... never mind. The whole setting was dark with some special lightings at first... And not forgetting some mummy dolls. Of course there were high speed and wild turns... I kept shouting until one part where the carriage stopped abruptly and reversed downhill so fast that my stomach was coming out from my spine. (ok thats exaggerating but it was almost like that.) I couldn't shout anymore after that part because I was already very, very scared. I kept having the feeling that I was either falling or flying because the safety harness was loose for me (I think). And I hate it as it makes the ride more scarier. I remember during the very, very scary part, my hair was like the ghost in Ju-on (We have the picture but its not with me) and I closed my eyes very, very tight and looked down all the way. But when ride almost ended, I shouted "I want more! I want more!". It's the feeling you get when you have conquered your fears and you feel like you want more. The funny (very funny) part, is that my legs did not agree with me wanting to have more. When we were about to get out of the carriage, my knees were like jelly and I couldn't stand up properly. I had to use the strength from my hands to get out from the carriage. When there was nothing else that I could hold on to, I fell on my knees and I kept laughing because it has been such a long time since I've had that feeling. And my bestie and BF thought I was laughing very hard till I drop to the floor. haha. Funny.

Until our journey back home, my bestie still laughs over the fact that I shouted that I wanted some more but my legs couldn't handle it... hmph.

The next ride we took was the Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure. And I got wet. :( It was a very slow at first, but then there was a Flash Flood (in the story line). That was when the 'boat' elevated to like 3 meters or so, and then we went down a tall slide. hahaha. And that was when the wet part comes in.

The last ride was the Canopy Flyer. It was the hanging roller coaster and it took only 33 seconds. And I shouted all the way. That was how 'not scary' the ride was. But it was still scary to me though. Great thing is that, now I am not that scared of heights. Its more to like, I am scared of speed... It gives me that rush... adrenaline. But still I am not 'Afrit' yet.

So tired now. :) toodles

USS bLunDers!

2010-10-16T01:46:00.002+08:00

Guess what?

I was booking the USS tickets online so that we would not have to queue up to buy the tickets as they have the print at home tickets function. I only got the confirmation document to download so I supposed that the tickets would be sent through e-mail. But my bf waited and waited for the tickets to be sent but there was nothing. Then we somehow realised... That I had entered the wrong e-mail address! Aiyoyoyo! Luckily, (ahaha) the difference was an underscore. (Still?!) But it was so clumsy of me. I called the hotline quickly to tell them to send the tickets to the correct email. Lucky... haiyo!

pain

2010-10-06T18:02:00.002+08:00

I don't feel well at all... I can't eat, I can't sleep. Maybe it is because of all the things that has been happening to me. I've lost my home, Lost my cat, Lost my bestfriend... I feel Like I've lost my life and that my life had ended. (I know, I'm not supposed to feel this way. But I want to get back up.

I don't want him to see me in this state. I don't even want him to know that I am in this state. I can't take care of myself, that's for sure... I can barely breathe on my own.

I'm sorry, I just can't bear to let you see me.

Professor Klumpz

2010-08-14T00:48:00.001+08:00

Mr. H a.k.a Prof. Clums(y) forgot to bring his Contact lens case and solution :) Absent-minded right? But I pity him so much that I will bring it to him tmr. I feel so worried for him right now, cause I do not like it when these kind of things happen to myself. So troublesome.

Nvm, I will bring it to you k habibi :)

Pota-toes

2010-08-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

Oh how I love the internet connection today :DD

Today marks the second day of Ramadhan. Unfortunately, for O'braims Angels, we were not able to celebrate the joy of welcoming this holy month. :(( But of course, in every thing that happens, there will always be a reason/wisdom behind such. For now, I can only think of... We can taste the food that we cook? And make sure that it's nice before we sell it. :)

Anyways, something in the paper today intrigues me. What's up with kids and crocs? Some kid's toe got stuck in the escalator again! Who's fault is it? The mother blames the shoe company, the shoe company resists. And my sister said blatantly, "they should make insurance for the shoes so that the insurance can cover (cover what? the toe? Apparently, there are insurances that covers for loss of body parts and death. That's what we have too, my dear Nina...) just like cars. Why people buy insurance when they buy cars, but not when they buy shoes?" Good question Nina. I also dunno. Dont ask me!

I think the mother is to be blamed. You know why? The kid did not stay inside the yellow box. He should be a little bit autistic (For his own safety), and the mother did not hold his hands! Almost all escalators in Singapore has warning stickers. And now you want to blame the shoe company for making anti-slippery shoes? You know why they make shoes anti-slippery? Have you ever wondered why people who work in coffee shops or kitchens like me find them useful??

Before you start blaming other people, find your faults first! Shame on you!

It's a damn cold night...

2010-08-02T02:21:00.002+08:00

Nina i like wearing her hoodie in the middle of the night, while reading her mathematics notes... Weird Anyway, I am so glad that I bought my adapter and life has been going back to normal after a few setbacks :) Life, has never been great. These moments I shall cherish! I am so happy that my bf accompanies me to the most boring-est places on earth without complaining! And he treats me to great food and the things that I want to do... He takes care of me like how my mom takes care of me. haha. Funny. Now I feel like I have a lot of mothers including my aunt and my god-ma... a.k.a his mother

We went to Sim Lim Square just now. I bought a psp charger for my brother but it could not work... Well, at least, I thought so... So we returned to Sim Lim and waited for around 45 minutes just to know that the psp's charging point is spoilt! To repair, it would cost $120. Thanks uh eh!

And so, headed to all time favourite - O'braim - while my darling went to cut his hair...

I have a small cut on the tip of my middle finger and it hurts whenever I touch something!!

Btw, I have been bothered by wild smses. These two guys keep bothering me even if I don't entertain them and they know that I am attached! And then Bf will always ask me what they want... And if i am entertaining them (replying to their smses) I think he does not trust me... hahaha! But on the other hand, I think he just cares for me so much and is afraid of losing me. I know, my Bf so the opposite of cute.

Anyways, I got to think of something now. Got to give him words of wisdom so that he would wake up tomorrow and have inspiration to continue his puny life in camp. Soo sad! I wish he does not have to go to camp. So that I can see him everyday :) He is having his evaluation tomorrow so we cant talk much on the phone as per usual... :((

But nevermind :) I shall just wait and wait.... And wait :))

Star-Karat

2010-07-23T01:26:00.002+08:00

Guess what?

I was 40 minutes late for driving lesson today... o_O

Possibly the most expensive driving lesson I've had.

It cost me:

$24 - Taxi fare (to and fro plus booking fee)
$12 - Ezlink/nets flashpay (Lost it...)
$65 - Lesson

Thanks uh eh!

Hello imaginary world.

2010-07-21T02:34:00.002+08:00

I had my 5th driving lesson today :) How fun! I've always looked forward to my driving lessons. I enjoy driving 149. I don't know why... Though, It stalls most of the time (The engine stalled twice just now!) But I feel like we are one! haha... how poetic.

I signed up for the One Team Package. Comfort Driving Centre offers this package whereby you just add $5 to your driving lessons, and you'll get a fixed car, with max. of 5 instructors. I have two fixed instructors. These instructors are chosen based on their competent teaching techniques. One of my instructor is a Malay (Mr. H), and one is Chinese (Mr.D). I prefer Mr.H teaching techniques. He finds my faults and then he will tell me the correct procedures. Mr.D's technique is acceptable too. He will tell me the correct technique first and then we will practice and practice until we get it right.

So far, I love my time table structure. One week with Mr.H, 2 lessons. Another week would be with Mr.D... Just for 1 lesson. So I have the daring instructor who lets me drive like a smart-alack for two lessons, and then there's one lesson with the instructor who make me do the same thing over and over again (like left turns only) for 100 minutes as practice. Its like the secondary school days where the teacher gives the students lots and lots of TYS to complete!

Anyway, that's about driving. I have a medical check-up tomorrow and I am quite excited for it, I don't really know why. But at the same time, I feel like... I don't really want to go because I am scared. :D (But its free!)

Can I wake up at 12 later?

2010-07-15T04:15:00.002+08:00

Hello imaginary readers Has been so long since I've last blogged... So I guess no body would've realise that I had updated :) Its been a few months upon graduation and I've just passed my Basic Theory Test in less than 4 minutes with a score of 50/50 :D Gonna break another personal record for ftt. If possible... hehe. Anyway, I'm taking my Class 3 license now. YES. 3. Not 3A, thank you very much :) I made a best friend at work :) his name is Riz. I think he is gay. He calls my boyfriend 'sayang'. Hehe. Maybe, my boyfriend is... nvm.

I miss Mama Nur. I wanted to call her but I get too occupied with work and driving and myself! Even Bf is angry with me today cos I did not say much during our phone conversation just now. :(

And this guy from facebook is freaking me out!

I just ate Ginger.

2010-06-07T23:03:00.003+08:00

Ouh how I despise the taste of ginger and now its reeking all over my mouth! Anyway, here was my day. Since it was my off day, I decided to cancel my plans with Raudhah just to go out with my family. Very much sorry Raudhah. We spent half a day at e!hub. Bowling, accompanied by Magic Wok. Been so long since I've had dinner with my family. :) After which we went to Zone X and spend a lot of $$$ on nothing. But I got a yellow elmo from the happy holder. You know that thing which moves and picks toys and throw them down the chute. Very funny you know. And that thing, is a wallet stripper. hahah. We enjoyed the arcade so much that we almost forgot about the time! So when we got tired, we went to FairPrice and got ourselves Ice creams. Magnum gold, almond and Ecuador. So that was my 'off day'. Proud of myself :P

Kemana kau menghilangkan diri

2010-06-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

I had just made someone's life miserable (hehehe!) But I'll make it up to him tomorrow... I wonder how he would react tomorrow cos I intend to rebond my hair... Mama (His mom) suggested that I rebond my hair so that my hair would look kept and I would have a nicely executed bob. Right now, its all in a mess... Cute thing is, Mama suggested that I do this before he comes back from camp. Alah! Cute kan his mom. hahaha, (mak angkat aku jugak) Anyways, I am taking my Driving License at last! BTT would be 13 July (I know, so far away) and then right now, I have done all four e-trial tests, that I am afraid I would forget the answers by then. Hmph. Insyallah I won't :) Right now, I'm having prac lessons :) and I am so Enjoying it! K thats all for now, Cya later alligator!

One of 'd' Best Date

2010-05-17T01:00:00.002+08:00

Current Obsession: Kid Nation (reality tv series)

Had a great 'date' just now :) Could say that I went home yesterday just to sleep for 7 hrs and then woke up to see him again :) hehehe.

Went to watch robin hood with his family... and his aunt whom we call mummy. Daddy and hykel followed to. (Btw thanks daddy for the ride *winks*) I slept during the whole show cos I was so tired! I did not sleep the night before, watching Kid Nation on youtube. Aiyo. hantu sey.

Then today was my 'once a month date' thing. 8D Initial plan was to go lilliputt to play golf... hehehe. But, it changed totally! Noon: Watched 'The Last Song' which made me cried like crazy! Then we went to Big Splash by bus. Stopped at the wrong bus stop and we had to walk!!! like more than 1 km can? *faints* Then we went to the lilliputt to find that the place was 'infested' with small human beings! *dies* In the end, we felt like it was embarrassing to even be in that place. hahaha. 'Trust me sayang, adults can play too!!' So we chilled at KFC instead... (WTT!) Still, at KFC, there was a family with kids. Not that I hate kids or anything. But I get pissed off by the parents cos I feel like they are teaching the kids wrongly... How can 10 kid shout at the same time? And all from different directions, how to eat in peace? (I know, how can I expect every kid to behave like my 4 angels?) Anyway, we cabbed to parkway parade cos I am an idiot at routes. Seriously. And then we searched for a barber like mad. Walked the whole parkway parade to find a QB house or similar to that cos he needed to cut his hair before book in or his weekends would be busted. So we went to marine promenade, the shop houses opposite PP.

Got his hair cut, then we went back to PP. And it was raining! I hate the rain nowadays. They are so indecisive. I should blame it on myself and the other human beings for making the earth sick such that the weather becomes unpredictable. Sorry mother earth, I will learn to become a 'planet vegan'. SAVE MOTHER EARTH!!!

Ok, now. We went through the rain and i was freezing like mad, so I bought myself a very nice green 'dress' which color reminds me of my secondary school skirt. hahaha, But nolah, this one is much better looking. And I changed into that... So that I won't freeze to death *so exaggerating!* Then we had bbq stingray which is not that nice (O'braims better) and then guess what? When we took the lift down to the L1, there was a DAMN HUMONGOUS QB HOUSE!!! We were like 'WHAT???' *high pitch* God knows the feeling. Then we cabbed back home... and when I reached home, I started on our scrapbook :) Can't wait to show him. Hahaha... Things that I propose to do that he made me do that I do for him!~

I want you to be here

2010-05-10T04:11:00.002+08:00

Maybe if you were by my side, It would be much easier for me to sleep every night.
Shall I blame you for being the cause of these dark eye circles and eye bags?

Can I listen to your voice every morning but hate you for calling me late at night?
and then, that would mean that I am being selfish now, aren't I?

I can't believe it. I can't accept the fact. That even after 1 year, 5 months and 10 days, you still make me think of you... Like as if I 'hypothetically' fell in love for the first time! (It took me months to really fall for you ;) )

I hate you for making me feel this way.
Seriously :P

*I will complain to MinDef and ask "why my boyfriend have to stay-in everytime?!"*

Sorry girls, this might bore you!

2010-05-10T02:32:00.002+08:00

Apart from topics about NS, what else bores girls like ZizyZieza to the max of the core? Soccer! Hahha. Can't believe it but I am so gonna blog about the premier league tonight. hahaha. Girls, it might help if you put in some interest into topics that guys are interested in... Especially if you wanna have great quality fun and healthy enjoyment with your partners! :) (Who am i? a love psych? Oh i forgot i used to work as an assistant for the Mahkamah Syarie consultants... JK! )

Every guy in FB is like going crazy about how Chelsea won. Some can't accept the fact as they rooted on MU. I rooted for chelsea ever since I got together with my BF. Used to be a MU fan. Whatever he likes, I will like (sub-consciously) So now I root for the Blues :) Sweet kan? Hehe. *Crazy*

Anyway, Chelsea 8-0! woo hoo baik per! The new paper's prediction was accurate :) Ok here's the funny, embarrassing and *slap forehead* moment.

We were at the shop I think, then we talked about Soccer. hahahaha. Mama (hakam's mom) and Hakam were talking about Jose Mourinho and Inter and what not. After their long conversation about how Jose won some titles and gained controversial popularity due to his outspoken nature, I cut in and asked "eh? Jose menang berape Goal?". And they were stunned. Mama was like "Amyra tau tak Jose tu siape?" I was like... 'Obviously I dunno. I thought they were talking about a Brazillian player or something like that. ' Then they laughed at me... and now it's becoming a joke. hahaha. Whenever they talk about soccer, there will be some one asking " So berape goal Jose score?" Ya Allah, I wanna dig a hole and hide my face!

"Hehe... Cute lah you ni" ~That's all you can say?! Thanks eh! :/

I give a salute to mama cos she is more knowledgeable than me about stuff like this. Soccer and current affairs regarding hollywood... Ah, What do I know? Business and politics?! Like how Sands are doing well in Singapore but not in Las Vegas? And how people are going bonkers over the MOE's mother tongue assessment weightage reduction... I feel so old already... BLEAH!

btw, I'm starting to get tired of the Berita Harian. Don't you think that they have nothing to talk about actually?

Please accept me for who I am

2010-05-09T04:35:00.002+08:00

I may sound Arrogant, Snobbish, Defiant, Ungrateful...
But those are what you want to hear, what you want to see...
I am not like that. I know. I want to be the best and I try.
I can't be perfect, and even if i have the credibility, life is not that fair for me.
I only depend on Him and it's hard for me to express how grateful I am to you.
I know I am lucky to have such great people who care for me in my life.
It seems like there are a lot of people who has my interest at heart. And I am so grateful for that. :)
Alhamdulillah.
I just want to say that, whatever I do, I will always pray that it is good for me, and I know. And I will always think before I act. That is a promise. So please, stop worrying. I want to live my life in full contentment before I die.

You have to learn to let go.

2010-05-09T03:08:00.002+08:00

I find it funny. How I am still so lonely yet I still feel care from people. Maybe they care for me but they just don't support what I do... Or they don't believe in me? Or are they scared of the truth? Or am I just being ignorant? Or what??

I am so confused and no one's helping me. You know what is pulling me together? You should have guessed by now if you have been paying attention. :)

:))

2010-05-08T01:31:00.002+08:00

Today went out fine... Although it started with a shock.
Papa (Mama nur's husband) was admitted to the hospital so we rushed to Johor at 8.30 am in the morning. We only reached Johor at around 11 am and then we had breakfast at ayah's favourite spot before we went on to Hospital Sultanah Aminah. I felt so grateful for being born in Singapore. Even though I support the opposition party, hahahaha. I must commend on the health and security system here. So different from Malaysia. Ayah said the situation there reminded him of Singapore a couple of years ago where the health system was not as 'standard' as now. I pity papa. I wish he could be admitted to a Singapore hospital instead. :(

But on the bright side, today could be one of the best days of my life :) Because I got to spend my time with the people dear to me!

Am I romantic or what?

2010-05-05T04:16:00.002+08:00

I have a problem.
I want to do alot of things, but I don't know where to start.
This is a big problem.
Ok. Always do what I use to do.
Write it all down and plan what to do first.

1) Start collating pictures before next outing with him cos if not, Im gonna get wallup-ed!
2) Ask mama nur for my aunt's number. I need to take that graduation gown.
3) Memorise Surah Yasin
4) Finish those books. So that I can buy new ones.
5) Which reminds me, I should sign up for that Times Bookstore card.
6) Gain more weight!

Now that I've wrote it down, it seems like my mind is straightened out. :)

Yeay! Now I miss him and I want to give him a subtle surprise this weekend when he comes back :)

*Im hungry btw. Should wake my sister up to accompany me to cook up something for the tummy.

The Power Of Love

2010-05-05T03:36:00.002+08:00

"Eyes. Heart. Mind.
The best gifts from God.
But which one would you use most?"

You inspire me.
It's like the light at the end of the tunnel.
With you smiling at me,
it makes me pinch myself a thousand times
Wondering if I'm in a dream.

When the hearts break,
I know I would be spared.
Cos everytime before we could,
We knew parting couldn't be beared.

I just love the way you tried to get me when no one else could.
How you made me fell, stutter everytime we meet.
And everytime I wonder, if you were an angel from above.
Guiding me through my thick and thin.
Being patient with me, even when I'm in the brink of madness.
Temperamental. That's what the dictionary would define.
And You turned my world into divine. Something I had never seen.
And I don't remember loving anyone as much as I do to you.
You just turn me into someone new.
And I always wonder if that is heaven sent.

Love is blind, I know.
Love is pure, I see.
Love is eternal, I feel.
Loving is not using your eyes or mind.
It is and has always been~ in your heart.
Unconditionally.

PS:
Amy Loves You.

How's life right now?

2010-05-04T02:35:00.003+08:00

Missed my laptop! My cousin kidnapped it for like three days?! Ok now that its back safe and sound, I am so relieved.

Ibu's friend came to our house and asked me what am I doing now? Trust me, that question is like a taboo question for me because I don't really know how to answer. And people being people, just want to hear what they want to hear. So just now, my answer sounded like this.

Ibu's friend: Dik kerje kat mana?
Me: Kat Sengkang
Ibu's friend: Sales eh?
Me: Ya... (Something like that, I guess)
Ibu's friend: Oh, Buat ape? Makanan eh? You masak ke serve?
Me: Yah. uhm... I think both kot?

Then I smiled and I walked out of the house, off to work.

I don't know why now I feel like I can face the world. I must say, it is a good feeling. Like I know what I want. And I know it. I just know it. Like I don't feel uncertain anymore.

You know. Everybody has dreams. Get married, have a good life, retire peacefully and what not. Mine is so simple. Yet, its the most difficult. Be a good muslim. Heaven is my strive. But im going so far away from it, I don't think I can do it. Even now, I feel like I should put a halt to my 'hijab plan'. I don't think i am ready to bring the 'muslimah' title. He is not ready, So I can't be ready.

I don't really know why, but I think I am making things difficult for myself. :) Funny. I really think that I am achieving personal and communal success through this choice of path. Working with my Godparents who happens to be both my boyfriend's and best friend's parents. I feel like, when I am with them, I learn so much about life and being a muslim. That's what I like, It's exposure, if you could put it that way. Of course, my parents would like me to work in a design firm. But I just have no interest in design anymore. I think design is an utter waste of time if it were to be made as a full time job. I think I'll do more facebook than I'll do working. Trust me. And it leads to an unhealthy lifestyle while meeting different snobbish people from the other companies and having to work with them. I just don't see it in myself.

I have fun while working at O'braim. And I learn... A lot. Be it about life, be it about happiness... Sometimes marriage and a lot about business. Hahaha. And most importantly, I learn about how I should think and bring myself. What should I display, and what is good/bad.

Smile, and you will receive lots of smiles back. Frown and a huge argument awaits. Just don't laugh like crazy, else a slap awaits you. hahaha. Die die die. Different people with different attitudes and different perception. I tell you, my life is a very entertaining one. I can blog about what happens on that day for a whole night and still not finish blogging. The controversies, the jokes... The tears and laughter... All in one.

I'm still wondering why Ayah Aim likes my maternal grandmother. maybe its because she is very simple? She is the only one who supports me when I made the decision to work for O'braim. Trust me.

Ok so till we meet again,

Salam :)

I'm bored

2010-04-28T04:28:00.002+08:00

I want to post some pictures that I took, but its so... Anyway.
just put it as, I am lazy to upload the pictures. Will upload soon okay!

So, The last time we went out was when we went to Sentosa.
We had fun with the luge... haha. Saw RWS, Had a really fun time...
Sad thing we couldn't do SegWay. Okay! I am so going to do SegWay and megazip next time.
But next month's outing would be Lily putt. Hmm Gonna check out if they have a website.

And Darling wants to do Ice Skating? Hhaha. Where? Not Explorer Kid's for sure...
Okay! Lets do some research shall we?

I miss him, I always think of him after all that has happened just now :)

It's near 4 and I've yet to sleep!

2010-04-28T03:57:00.002+08:00

I know I've promised you not to vent my anger at you. But oh dear, I couldn't help myself. I hate it when I do that to you, because I know you do not deserve it. We both know. After telling you all that was hidden in my tiny heart, I can't believe you trust me. I did not expect that. I've never felt love so strong from someone else except from my mother or aunt. But you trusted me, you believed me and forgave me. You even told me you would protect me... I feel so grateful. So honoured, so blessed to be with you.

I will never bring myself to betray you or hurt you. This, I promise myself :) Allah has His ways of working His magic.

I love you. I know you know :)

Nenek's birthday

2010-04-26T22:21:00.001+08:00

It's nenek's birthday today, and I had a surprise for her which made her almost cry... I think, that was the best birthday present I gave to anyone in my life, accidentally. When nenek saw it, she hugged me real tight. I was moved, almost in the verge of tears :) Will post some pictures soon.

Dan aku fikir-fikir, dan terus memikir

2010-04-22T04:06:00.002+08:00

Ya Allah,
Dugaan apa yang telah kau berikan kepadaku?
Apa kah hikmah disebalik semua ini?
Kejadian-kejadian yang berlaku,
Sumpah setiaku kepadaMU?

Ya Zahir,
Kau yang memandang segalanya,
Namun hanya kau lah yang tahu segala yang tertulis di benak ini.
Lindungi lah hambaMu yang kian lemah,
Dibaur debuan asap neraka mengaburi mata.

Aturkanlah langkahku, untuk meniti titian yang kian rapuh
Bagaikan berjalan di atas seutas benang,
merentas langit yang tinggi,
Sungguh ku tak berdaya.

Rintangan dan badai yang harus ku lalui,
Demi Yang Hayy, Demi Yang Qayyum.
Akan ku harungi dengan penuh jiwa dan raga.

Life...

2010-04-12T02:36:00.000+08:00

Life has never felt better I guess.... No stress about school, no stress about not having enough $$$... hahahaha.(Gerek Kan)... But then, as I move on, new challenges arise and I have to face them one by one. No matter how tough, no matter how disheartening, no matter how discouraging!

I am so happy today because mr.H is on luggage off tomorrow. :) So, we'll be going out with his family :)) Yeay! (I can't believe it, I had just came back from having supper with his fam an hr ago. And now I can't wait to see them? hahahah)

But seriously, I so can't wait. We are going to Vivo tmr I guess. :)) SHOPPING! ahhahah. (Like I shop every day, nowadays! Hello?!) Im enjoying life while waiting for graduation. :) Im thinking of working for O'braim and at the same time do some freelance (like as if that freelance is going to happen!) but hey! You never know. Wealth and fortune is in God's hands. :)

so, Tawakallah.

Insomnia

2010-04-03T04:42:00.002+08:00

I still cant sleep and its near to 5. I think I am stressed out or depressed? or just simply nocturnal? I wanted to watch santau but was too scared. haha. So suspense. Shall just wait for tomorrow.

Ok, back to why I may be stressed. My parents want me to continue with my studies. Thats not the main problem. The main problem is that they do not seem to understand my dreams. My realistic dreams. They want me to have my own design firm. They want me to embark to Malaysia or Australia. But I will have to do that alone? I'm not an 'alone' type of person. Why can't they see that?

My realistic dreams include managing my own restaurant.

i don't know.

uncertain.

Wont see you on friday

2010-04-01T02:19:00.000+08:00

I am feeling like a total outcast in my family now. My parents are talking about me with my relatives on facebook. Behind my back? That's funny and sad at the same time. The effect? Tears. All of this started because I decided to work WITH O'braim, my GodParent's business.

My family thinks im working FOR them. And because I want to be near to my boyfriend or i don't exactly know what they think. But what I'm sure is that they don't understand me. Sometimes I get fed up because they think i am stupid or something? I get fed up that I do not even bother. After all the good that I've done? Nothing comes out worth it. Trust me, it has always been like that. And it is very depressing. Imagine, if you have cleaned the house and your parents say you have not cleaned it and that you are lazy and what not, would you like it? After all the effort and hard work you have put in... My life is like that. In simple words, nobody.... Zilch! No body, appreciates me. If you happen to read this post and you appreciate my existence in your life, please tag me. So I know. Otherwise...

So, we have a family gathering this friday. And we are going to JB. Ya I said we. But now, its 'they'. I have decided not to go because I had just found out my father had been updating his status about me in his FB and my aunts are like talking behind my back. Hypocrites. They seem like they understand me in front of me but it so happens that they are talking behind my back.

I am so upset. I feel like running away until I can show my face. I feel so... so... SAD. Well, I guess I'm better of gone, until i can clear my name, If not they'd call me the infidel after dreamcrasher or living off someother's fortune.

My message: I don't know what the future holds for me. I have been given choices. And I chose the one nearest to Allah. If you can't accept what I am doing, then I don't have any loss because 1) I am happy with what I am doing, 2) I give donation to elders (does your child give their grandmother money? or do they ASK her for money? 3) I help my parents. 4) I do not do drugs or smoke or whatever nonsense. (Even if I do, that's my problem, But I DON'T) 5) I am going to have a diploma in hand, If my initial plan does not work out smoothly, I will sit in that chair and chop passports to get 1.8k every month juat to keep your mouths shut.

Why are you always talking about me? I will drive that Jaguar one day and trust me, all of you will be going like "oh tu anak sedara aku!". Just wait until that day comes and BOOMZ! I will have the last laugh.

Dreamcrasher Signing off.

3 days

2010-03-05T03:34:00.002+08:00

Another 18 more days.

Maybe the gap is leaving us both depressed. That's why there's tension. I want to be happy, you want to be happy. We want to be happy like we always do. Its hard knowing that we can't talk so much on the phone now... I know. And I can't sleep, I can't eat... I just can't be normal. And my feelings, they are shaky. I don't have you to talk to. I don't have you to listen to me and my dreams. I feel like I don't have you like I did before.

But honey you know what? This is another new obstacle we have to go through. And I don't want to give up. After all we've been through... I don't care what you bring back for me cos bringing yourself back home is enough for me. I pray that you are safe and sound over there. I pray that tomorrow, I'd have the chance to apologise to you. I pray that I will start loving myself more than you love me... So that I will be healthy and lead a very happy life :D. Amin.

Regret for listening to you: A day. Regret for not talking to you: A life time.
Forever and Always... Missing you.

To the ENT

2010-03-04T02:33:00.002+08:00

Had referral to Changi General Hospital for my ear implications. Guess what was the implications? There's like a stone in my right ear, and there's a heavy bruise in my left ear.

First, one of the doctors wanted to conduct a hearing test. But he told me that he cant do the test as i have to clean up my ear first. So, I waited for Dr Peter Lu. He told me to sit on this chair... And then he used like a vacuum thing to suck out all the wax and dirt. There was one point of time where he accidentally placed the sucker on my bruise and I almost cried. hahaha. All the way, I told myself, all of this is going to be over in a minute. But that 'minute' was like ages!

Moving on, He proceeded to my right ear. He started cleaning it like nobody's business... then suddenly, he stopped because there was a hard thing inside my ear. So, I had to go to the room with the microscope above my head. And there I was, lying on the bed. So. He sat beside me and took the microscope and then looked into my ears. There was one part, he asked the nurse for a hook. A HOOK??? What the toots is a hook man? I was scared. I was hoping he would put me on anesthetics or something... The scenario reminded me of the movie 'Awaken' I think. About that guy who did not fall asleep while he was being operated. Nice movie. Anyway. In the end, he took out that stone. Hahaha. Finally. No I can hear much better.

For my left ear, however... There is a hole in my ear drum... so the doctor gave me ear drops to fill it up. There's sponge in my left ear now. So its blocked... And, you wanna know what is the cause of all these? Flu. Because there is so much phlegm in my body, it had affected the ear, causing infection. :( See what a flu can do to you? And how did he know that I had alot if phlegm in my body?

The doctor gave me anesthetics for my nose.... and then he put in the microscope into my nostrils. So he saw a lot of phlegm.

Disgusting story... I know. But hey, you never know... It might just happen to you :)
*Insyallah tak*

Anyway, Thank you for loving and caring so much about me.
You love me more than I love myself.
And I thank Him so much for that.
Thank God for you and your sister :)

Dear Allah,

2010-03-03T02:02:00.003+08:00

Ya Malik, Through your utmost powers and willingness, please bear him safety throughout his outfield days. Ya Rahman, Shower him with your blessings and guidance, such that he becomes your most faithful one. Ya Razzaq, Grant him his good supplications so that his family would enjoy his fruits of labour. Ya Aleem, Lead him to the wise and knowledgeable ones and refrain him from the sly and cunning. Ya Muhaimin, Bring him joy and laughter through is thick and thin, so long as he knows that You are always by his side, protecting him. After all, you are Al - Sami' of supplications.

May praises be to Allah s.w.t and His Prophet s.a.w.

Here comes goodbye

2010-03-03T01:38:00.002+08:00

For three weeks at least.
No more late night calls, but more prayers for his safety.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Tears in heaven

2010-02-12T02:56:00.002+08:00

I wish I could take back my words.
Just like how you took yours from me.
It seems like a hobby, the way you make me give up and in.
You make me cry and laugh at the same time.
Keep me wondering if this is what I deserve.
After all that I've done and what we've been through.

I can't sleep and its not your fault. Its mine.

Just as stars were shining so bright

2010-02-12T02:17:00.002+08:00

It's 2:17 am in the morning and I am stressed out. I have never been on an extensive emotional roller coaster such as this. Have you ever felt like you thought your prayers had been answered and you can't believe that something that you had given up on, was coming true? But just as you were about to start believing, big news came and you can't live your dream. Heh. Pam. Boomz. *Glass shatters* Oh my god. Tragic. I don't know what or how to react right now.

Another one more will come... And you will feel the same way that I do, and by that time, I hope you won't regret. Because maybe by that time, we won't feel the same.

Now you know.

When you start missing somebody

2010-02-03T01:36:00.002+08:00

I was window shopping with my girlfriends (Azizah and Sarah) and when we went to Cotton On, there was this one particular section in the shop which has this distinct scent of his perfume. I swear, I felt like I fell into his embracement. And it was such a good feeling. I felt like being loved and secured. Is that how you define 'miss', mama? When you hear his voice when its just silence accompanying you all night long... When you feel his presence, but its only you and these four walls.

He is one in a million and he is my one and only.

إشتقت إليك, عبدالحكام

Future

2010-01-28T19:01:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I ask and wonder. What the future would be? Some people would put it as end of the world - like the movie 2012, Some would say that the earth would be at its weakest point. My Idea of the future would be... Islam would rise again. We would lead the world. Something a lot of people are afraid of. But thats my view of the world's future.

But My parent's question for me would be 'What are you going to do after graduation?'. Not only my parents ask me that, may uncles and aunties do to. You know, its like... The KFC advertisement on tv now, When the grandmother asks the boy whether he has a girlfriend or not and 'interrogates' him... But he just ate the KFC chicken to buffer out the 'noise'. Unfortunately for me, my uncles and aunties are 'Super - Canggih'. Now, they use facebook! Don't have to wait for Hari Raya or any gathering. I will still be bombarded with these kind of questions.

I guess some would think I want to get married after I graduate. And oh so many of them disagree. Haha. I'm not going to get married okay. I will only after I have let my family taste my wealth. haha. I still have my dreams. And I am working on it still. Even if I want to get married, it would be a complicated process and I will work hard towards my dream wedding and my dream 'life after marriage'. So it takes a lot of preparation for now. I'm working backwards you know.

As for my career, hmm... I am not ashamed of my dreams - just embarrassed to tell. Let's just leave it as, for me to know, for you to find out. Like I said, I'm working backwards. It all starts from My Dream Eternity Life (In the Hereafter)

Chicken Lover's Casserole

2010-01-27T11:47:00.004+08:00

So I made one of my all time favourite (two in one!), in which I still have yet to name it... It took me less than half an hour to make it, even though it states there preparation takes around 1h 15 mins. The casserole, just fyi, is actually served as Baked Rice in Swensen's. I can't believe that I've badok-ed that dish almost everytime I visit Swensens just to find out that it is easy to prepare and its much more Tastier and Cheaper! So money saved, Cravings satisfied plus bonus quality time with the family :) Should cook more often... hehe.

Preparation wise, it was not tedious though. Could have just used Campbell's cream of mushroom but I decided to make my own because... I wanted to? After all, if anything is instant, it wouldn't be 'I cooked' now, would it? The mushroom soup turned out great though, Praises be to Allah, and - and... The mozarella was great. Now we just have to remember that we don't use Mozarella for cheese fries... :) We Use Cheddar, Nina!

Maybe, Next up would be... Ayam lemak cili padi?! Favourite! Mmhmm! Have fun looking, I know its tantalising. I drooled while taking the picture. But it did not drop on the food! *Ziza, I know you would go "E-e-ewwwww-w-w-w" (like a sheep) heh.

I can't believe this...

2010-01-26T01:23:00.002+08:00

As I was on the phone with my boyfriend, I was looking through the recipes for my Casserole. I so can't wait to try this recipe because I am craving for something creamy, juicy, and 'fattening'! Haha. I've done pastas and lasagnas but never baked rice. So its something new and this made me realise something.... hmm. That's a good start... *Talks to self*

I've prepared my shopping list and I'm ready to go. I have to try this recipe by this Friday so... We'll see! Wish me luck :))

Backache

2010-01-26T00:32:00.002+08:00

I ended up not going to school because of my backache. How did I get it? Well, I woke up with 1/4 of my body hanging from the right side of the bed. So, my head was resting on air. The only support that I had was my back (right below the armpit area). So, what a devastating way to wake up! (Should be thankful that I wake up!)

The funny thing was, I did not realise or rather, I could not feel that I was sleeping like that. Maybe the fatigue? Could be.

So my day was blissfully spent watching a movie that I had longed to watch 'Julie & Julia'... :) Quite an inspiration though... It has inspired me to cook. Should cook eh! Long time no cook! I wanna cook cream mushroom with chicken topped with cheese... eat with rice, sounds delicious!

Now I just need to know when... :))

Confessions

2010-01-19T20:34:00.002+08:00

I have to tell this to the world. I detest people who love to shout and who likes to scold. Everything can be settled with control. Shouting is almost equivalent to barking like a mad dog. And I can't stand people who don't know the meaning of embarrassment or being ashamed. Oh God, what is the world coming to?

depressing

2010-01-13T08:57:00.002+08:00

I think I will need Anti-Depressants.

School has been ever so Depressing and Demoralising.
Now its home.

We have this issue of what I am going to do in future.
I had thought for such a long time.
But this decision I am about to make is disrespected.

Can I do what I like and not do what I don't like?
I am done doing something that I hate. I faced the fact, I am never good at design.
At least thats what the lecturers told me.

We are going through a huge ordeal at home already. Please don't add this on me.
If not for my faith in Allah s.w.t, I might have self-destruct and you might have seen and experienced an unforgettable nightmare.

All these years, I've never complained. I kept strong even when the odds are against me. Let me fight. I want to fight. Fight for a brighter future. Don't let me stay imprisoned. I don't want that. Please don't add to my sorrows. If you let me continue with my dreams, I promise you, I'll be the best that I ever can.

I'm sorry, I'm just not as passionate about design as I am before.
At least, Let me find other things that I can be proud and good at.
Just face the fact like how I had to face it (except that I had to face it terribly, you don't have to)
I AM NOT GOOD AT DESIGN!

I shall...

2010-01-12T15:43:00.002+08:00

Take 30 minutes to draw my sections and elevations. So 4 drawings... that would take 2 hours. Can? hahaha. 30 minutes. yah right. I mean, can lah... must have the skeleton, at least... right? Then I'll have to do my building detail. So that would take around 2.30 hrs in total. So Ganbatte ne!

Now then I know. When you are depressed, your response time is longer. When you are depressed, you will look vacant. What ever you used to do fast, you'll do it slower. Yah.

Gotta love myself more. Give myself alot more attention. Love me.

Man Jadda, Wa Jadda

2010-01-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

The tears that fall this time, are not tears of sadness.
But tears of enlightenment.

Allah swt has enlightened and presented me with alot of blessings.
Maybe, that's the reward for patience.

If you read today's BH, there's an article about a Malay lady, Hidayah Amin. She is the author for 'Gedung Kuning', a new book about Malay heritage which focuses on the culture of the Malay House found near Masjid Sultan. Now the house serves as a restaurant (Tepak Sireh). *Now I aspire to hold my future wedding dinner there. LOL*

How I see much of myself in Hidayah. But she gets to go to University and gets a lot of scholarship. My world crashed last year :) Nope. I'm not going to complain. Things happen for a reason. And Allah s.w.t is the most Fair. World is unfair, but Allah s.w.t is.

Hidayah is one of the ways to how Allah s.w.t shows me the right path, a consistent prayer of mine. Maybe that is His way of telling me that I should not give up on whatever I had started on. And I should maybe write a book someday? Hahahaha. Insyallah, you'll never know!

Masyallah...

I won't give up learning about the Malay and Islamic history, Insyallah. Only to Him I surrender.

Yeah I've fallen for an angel

2010-01-08T16:35:00.002+08:00

Oh my gosh, I don't know why my stomach is having some problems. Aiya.

Anyway, I wanna go and have a look at the new City Square Shopping Centre near farrer park mrt... hmms, who's with me? hahaha. lame.

Seriously, I've been having bad stomach aches. Gastric maybe.

Just some note-to-self. I think I have been behaving well socially. No flirting, No defiancy, Being happy always... But I am procrastinating when it comes to work. The starting is always the problem! You know, these few days have been productive for my FYP though. (Hah, I still can't believe that I am taking FYP.... I feel like I am still a junior) I've never thought I would start producing this early, I mean... Oh my god? Submission is on Thursday and we are doing work from wednesday?

If my Lecturer did not drag us to the com lab and we'd still have to go for 'consultations-only' I tell you, I will only start drawing on the next wednesday!

See how bad I am. hahaha. Bad girl. :(

Happy Brithday Mama!

2010-01-07T00:07:00.002+08:00

Hehe. Today is mama Gi's birthday :)) That's Ziza's mom aka my Fairly God Mother. haha.

Anyways, I was supposed to go to lalaland - 'yang tersayang' - at around 10.30 just now, because I need to go to school early-early tomorrow. But here I am, blogging. heh.

Mr.H is staying out this few days, so no call from him. Not long till he goes for his overseas training for around 2 months or less. I must train myself. haha. Not to be to attached to his calls. And I must focus on other things... That would make me happy... Like my family, and his family... especially his sister, ziza, and my sister nina. hahaha. If its the three of us, together, im gonna make it 'DA BOMB!'

Maybe, when we go out this monday, I should get nina to tag along... how bout that?

We are going Badoque Cafe! hehehe

With an open heart

2010-01-05T18:22:00.002+08:00

I am sad. I miss Mama dearly. This is serious.
When you don't see the person whom you see everyday, you will feel the loss.
You will miss the great impacts they had made in your life.
How they made you change your ways.

I miss my best friend. I looked through my earlier blogposts. What fun we had before. I guess, everything changed because of me. Maybe I took things so seriously. Maybe because I made a huge fool of myself. Maybe because I lost myself. So I lost her. Maybe.

But Im gonna change all that.

Miss you loads bestie, will you forgive me and shall we start a new?
I promise I will joke and not take your words to the heart.
I promise I will go shopping with you and entertain you like mad.
I won't just look and go when I shop with you k.
Hahaha. If you say I les or anything i wont take it to the heart cos i know i'm not. hahaha.

So will you take my hand? (not literally)

I'm not les, Im not bi.
I love my bestie sincerely.
Because she is my bff.
She always reminds my of the 'true path'
and thats why i love her and her mom.
But I also love my sis and my mom lah.
Anyway.

I love you people. I love you!

Now then I realise

2010-01-02T19:18:00.002+08:00

I have not many friends! ahahahahahahaha
Well, I do have friends lah, but I can't find friends who would hang out with me when I am bored... you know, just chillax or something...

I think I brought this upon myself. Cos all this while, I've been working or studying... and my circle of friends is like 3 -4 people? Pathetic. I know I have more friends than that k.

You know, I won't let myself be upset cos I don't have people to entertain me. haha. I made up my mind... I'm not going to join my cuzzins go clubbing or lepak. Im going to start figuring out my dreams... and be busy. Start doing assignments and stop procrastinating. Be a high-achiever. Thats gonna make me not worry about not having friends to go out with or no boyfriend to entertain me. If this is how I have to live my life, and if it is good for me, and if it is the path that Allah swt has shown me, then I'll walk and I'll lead the way.

Right into the arms of Allah.

Last day of 2009....

2009-12-31T19:02:00.002+08:00

In a few hours time, It would mark a new year. But we would still be the same people. It is just a year... nearer to our death... So be thankful to Allah for letting us stay in this temporary world and enjoy his fruits... Giving us time to prepare for the Hereafter....

Beestung

2009-12-27T00:19:00.003+08:00

Life, as we have already know it, is full of ups and downs.
Sometimes, we get misunderstood, sometimes we get insulted and most of the time, life would be unfair for us.

I don't get why I get misunderstood sometimes. Or maybe, most of the time. Maybe I was complacent and arrogant? Maybe more to impatient? or too ambitious?

What I know for now, is that I have pretty much learnt how to be patient and how to handle difficult situations with a clear mind.

Thank Allah S.W.T for His guidance... I have been able to take everything that happens with a pinch of salt. My sister would say that I am weird, but hey, it is the truth. Not everything can be seen with your naked eyes. Most of the time, internal and eternal happiness would be achieved when you look with your inner eye. That is when you look at things that happens in front of you optimistically.

If something bad happens to me, I would say that Allah SWT wants to replace it with something better. One example would be my laptop? When I lost it, of course it was heart-shattering. But He did replaced it with another laptop which is much better and I am so thankful for that :) Syukurillah.

Having a smile on our face is different from having a smile in our heart. When we smile in our heart, it means that we are contented with what we had done, we are doing, and going to do. How do we smile in our heart? When we do something that is best for us, in the name of Allah. When we remain focus on what we want to achieve everyday. When we don't worry about the future and accept everything that has been written for us.

Do you believe that Allah SWT will give only the best to His creations? You, as a Muslim, have to believe because you believe in Him.

Why don't I feel exhausted?

2009-12-15T00:30:00.002+08:00

Guess what? Today is literally 'work' day!

9-3 at BLG. I thought I was late... But when I reached the office, Boss have yet to come in. Buat cuak ajer. Then I sat until 11 plus until boss came in and that was when I got released from the suffocated feeling of doing nothing but sit around. Told mama Gi, "when some one is used to do heavy work, she would feel tired if she is forced to sit." And mama Gi said, "Ya, and the ones who is used to sit at work, find work like this tiring..." Pretty true.

I don't really feel tired at all! :) WOW! [ok, why is my window wide open?]

So after which I headed straight to O'braim :) And the rest is history, hehe. Tomorrow, I will spend my day at O'braim again. heh. Goreng Pisang O'braim Panas-Panas!

Happy Day :)

2009-12-14T01:56:00.002+08:00

I feel so happy that I can't sleep. And tomorrow, I have to wake up at 6 or 7 latest. The reason to why I am happy is because I managed to make some good decisions today... Decisions that would make life easier and much happier for others. :) Syukur alhamdulillah.

I can tell you that I've changed the way I look at things. Now, I would like to look at things positively. And shall constantly remind myself that there is no such thing as 'But it's just too bad. you've had the best days of your life' or 'I can't do it, because I am not a prophet'. These are all pessimistic quotes which we should hinder.

I recommend you to think positive, seek for guidance from Allah, look, listen... For those may be signs. Never think of any negativity at all because we human beings are more attracted to negativity than positivity, It's all mind over matter. :)

I wish I could share some of my experiences with you but I am pretty tired already. :) I shall just put it in a few words all right?

Sincerity does not need a tongue, nor does it need an eye.
Compassion is you before me.
Appreciation needs a smile, even if a dime.
Contentment is being thankful and not asking for more.
With these, you'd achieve the greatest love of all,
loving YOURSELF.

Ya habibi, Ana Aihbak...
Ana bahibak, Ya Hakam...
:)

Romeo And Juliet

2009-12-10T11:18:00.002+08:00

My love story is a bit much like New moon (one of the Twilight Sagas).

Even if there is a dream guy out there waiting for me, ready to love me...
Until you leave me for another lady in your heart,
My head would not stop thinking of you.
Every breath I take reminds me of the things we did together.
And my heart would always feel lost and shaky.
Like as if, it is really only beating for a man like you.
And until these two hearts combine,
my heart will always ask for yours.

~I'm sorry. It has always been him.

Day one.

2009-12-09T20:39:00.002+08:00

Tonight, tears accompany me as I dream about him.
Maybe, I would not dream about him.
I have to be strong. This may be hard.
I still love him.
That, no one can change.
But if he is happy, I am happy.
I guess.

Mungkin

2009-12-03T23:03:00.002+08:00

Sudah suratan?
Aku dan engkau, tidak akan bahagia.
Kerana dua Dunia kita yang sangat berbeza.
Hidupku untuk akhirat, tidak pernah kau terima.

Aku gagal.
Aku mengalah.
Sungguh aku berserah kepada Dia yang Maha Kuasa.

Sujud Mengharap.
Bukakanlah matanya,
Terangkanlah hatinya dengan kebesaranMu, Ya Khudayah.
Hanya PadaMu aku berserah...

Selamat Tinggal buat kali ini.

Peristiwa Subuh

2009-12-03T05:50:00.001+08:00

Good Morning world :)

I feel so good today :)

Yeay :)

You never know what a Solat can do to you :)

It changes your day automatically even if it isn't over yet :)

Masya'allah... :)

Thinking of changing my blogskin to something more.... Matured looking. hmm...

Nausea

2009-12-03T00:40:00.001+08:00

Now then I realise, making people happy does not mean that you will achieve happiness.
I forgot that the greatest love of all is when you love yourself.

Masya'allah. Ya Allah forgive me of my sins. This world is a lie. Why did I look forward to this world? Ya Allah, You have already warned me. The only happiness lies in Your path. Ya Allah, why is it that I can't 'talk'. When I talk, nobody listens. But You gave me a gift. A gift of writing. Portraying my feelings through words... Even if sometimes, people don't get me. But I doubt so. Because if people don't listen, they read. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, I feel lonely.
Why ya Khudayah? Ya Allah, I feel like giving up. I don't know give up on what. Maybe give up on this world? Turn to Sufism.

Ya Allah, I feel sad tonight.

Joglo

2009-12-02T12:34:00.002+08:00

My FYP allows me to go deeper into Islam's history which has greatly influenced the Malay history especially in Indonesia. I have to admit that sometimes, I get lost in time and space and most of the time, I can't get back to reality.

I don't understand, why the world is so cruel nowadays. I dream of being in the past, and I like it there. But here I am, stucked in a world full of hatred. Where people like seeing others suffer. And envy those who are living happy lives. Is that the way to live?

Anyways, Did you know that Islam in Indonesia is far more stronger than Islam in the Middle East? My father always say that if people had to do their pilgrimage in Indonesia or other countries, No one would think of going to Mecca or Medina (Saudi).

I went once for my Umrah and I can still remember it vividly, eventhough I was only 9 when I went there. (Gosh, it has been like 10 years?) I am lucky that I was serious about my Ibadah at that age. Alhamdulillah. It is so undeveloped at that time. The Airport? Masya'allah. The service? worse...

I still remember having to queue in a very long line. The aircon was like half dead or something, maybe it was just the body heat from the others. The funny thing is that when it was near to get our passport stamped and 'written on', the officer can close the counter and have coffee!!! Hahaha.... I don't know, maybe I'm used to good service. But still?! Like Sultan, Like citizen. Though I must admit... that not all Arabians we saw were like that. That one, we call Arab Dugul.

Some others could speak in Bahasa Indonesia and was happy when they see us (Malays). But if they ask where we were from, my father always said 'Malaysia'. Father said, they like Malaysians... They don't like Singaporeans. Some think that Singapore is still part of Malaysia. So Can la... ahhaha. At least, better than you say Singapore is part of China right??

I'm not complaining but it makes you wonder what the Sauds are doing with the money they get from the Pilgrims.

The Sauds should do something huh. Something should happen there. Le's just see. Mecca is already flooding you know...

2009-11-28T23:17:00.002+08:00

I feel like I am having a headache now. I feel like, I want to do a lot of things after graduating from school. But I am scared. I don't know why I am scared because how would I know if I do not try? Maybe its my nature to be scared of failure.

These two days, I had a very meaningful Eid I suppose. I talked to my dad non stop as we had a lot of similarities in terms of our thinking. And that is not surprising. :) Alhamdulillah, I know and I do realise that this is not something that any girl gets everyday.

So our Eid had been more about sharing our thoughts on Islam, Malay... The world, Knowing Islam, Remembering Allah SWT, Embracing the Sunnah's of our Prophets and commemorating history. These two days had reminded me of my past ambitions. About my past self. I may describe myself now as a boring person. But I have been reminded of how 'interesting' I used to be :) Hahahaha (Ok, nothing that funny to laugh about)

Have been reading up a lot of sejarah melayu lately. Very very interesting I must say. Now I remember why I used to hate Social Studies so much when I was in Secondary school. There is a lot of things that has been hidden from us. I must say that this is very sad.
To see a world which is turned upside down, Inside out, People being so engrossed about making sure they survive in this world even if it means to not be happy and contented. "As long as there is food on the table now, I am happy". Right!

People acting stupid, blaming God for everything bad that is happening. Masya'allah. Waiting for the writing in the Quran to literally vanish then would they believe that 'kiamat' is near? God forgive me.

Yang Kiamat itu Manusia, bukan Dunia. Yang hilang itu ajaran, bukan tulisannya.

For the hand which holds Malacca, has its hands on the throat of the Vatican.

Tight schedule

2009-11-21T01:26:00.002+08:00

The 5th week of our FYP had just ended. Another 11 more weeks to go.
Currently living a life like never before. I came back from the library with more than 8 books! I usually borrow maximum 3. Total books i have on loan is around 15? The librarian said the loan quota was 10. Ziza was like "10? Are you sure?" I think its thirty. But definitely not 10 cos i have 15 on hand :I (jangan jadi wei eng uh)

Currently in love with Islamic Architecture. :)) And I am so freaking tired, My shoulders need a rub. Anyone??

Alhamdulillah...

2009-11-19T01:30:00.002+08:00

Ibu, Ayah... Mama & Ayah.
Keampunan yang tidak terhingga,
anakanda hulurkan kerana alpa.
Leka dan cuai telah menyebabkan titik-titik hitam
untuk membelenggui hati-hati anakanda.

Risik, Meminang, Bertunang, Bernikah.
Dalam kontext masakini, aku rasa, berkasih sama seperti bertunang. Cumanya, Kedua belah pihak harus bersefahaman terhadap pengertian berkasih, dimana kedua belah pihak bersetuju untuk mendirikan rumahtangga pada suatu hari di masa yang akan datang. Dengan itu, samalah ia seperti bertunang.

Pengerusi Fatwa al-Azhar, Syaikh Atiyyah Saqr menjelaskan cinta adalah suci, cinta dalam bentuk apapun dibolehkan oleh syarak asalkan tidak dikotori dengan niat dan aksi kotor; ia mestilah tidak bercanggah dengn hukum-hukum syara' dan diiringi dengan cinta yang diredhai oleh Allah.
Cinta sejati boleh dibina sebelum berkahwin asalkan cinta yang direstui agama, dilahir dan dipupuk melalui saluran agama. Islam tidak menentang cinta kerana cintalah asas dalam ibadah antara hamba dengan Penciptanya; manakala cinta jugalah asas kepada pembentukan sebuah keluarga Islam yang harmonis.
Cinta yang dibenteras oleh Islam ialah cinta yang dicemari oleh maksiat dan menuruti hawa nafsu; manakala mereka yang memupuk cinta tapi tetap berpegang kepada ajaran Allah dan mengikuti saluran syarak adalah diharuskan oleh syarak dan seterusnya memadu cinta melalui jalan pernikahan yang sah dan halal.
(Ruj : Syaikh (Prof) Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Islam wal Hubb (Islam dan Cinta); Syaikh Atiyyah Saqr, Islam wa Musykilatul Hayah (Islam dan permasalahan Hidup); Ibn Qayyim al-Jauziah, Raudhah al-muhibbin wa Nuzhah al-Musytaqin (Taman orang-orang bercinta dan kerinduan)

Aku berdoa agar cinta kita akan diredhai Allah S.W.T
Kerana aku percaya, tiada yang sia-sia
Segala yang terjadi, pasti ada hikmahnya.

SAD

2009-11-14T13:47:00.002+08:00

I am so sad that my lecturer said that we should be passionate about our work.
Of course, nothing is so sad about that. But what saddens me the most is that, he said we are not putting enough time and effort for the past one month. Masya'Allah.

This brings me down because I know I have put in a considerable amount of effort into this assignment. Only God knows how much time and effort the class had put in for this assignment.

Sad thing. 12 hrs everyday for school. extra three for homework. sometimes we don't eat. Often, a meal a day. Then we don't get enough sleep. I always ask myself. I don't put aside time for Allah. And I'll feel bad. But I just can't. Funny thing, I know I make the choice.

Enough said. I am not going to sacrifice my valuable time for school. I shall make this clear in my blog. I don't care already. I have more important things to do than listen to the lecturers who don't seem to appreciate any effort that we put in. I am going to do what I think is right.

I will do my assignments and stop to eat and pray, because I know I will work better that way.
I will do my assignments meticulously and not let anyone who does not make sense stop me.

I feel so unstable. So tired. So busted.

Let's go seek forgiveness.

People are people. They just can't get enough of everything.

2009-11-14T13:38:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we look at life as a catastrophe.
We see catastrophe, and we think it is hell.
But what if we are really in hell?

Most of the time, we should look at life as heaven.
Often, we should not take things for granted.
Everytime, we should teach our children about something not related to the world.
Because children would learn about the world from everything they see, hear, do, eat, and maybe smell.

But children will never learn about life after death themselves.
Because everybody has different perceptions about this matter.
If we worry that we teach them the wrong thing,
bring a trusted person who is knowledgeable about this subject.
May these children put their brain to good use.

Thank God!

2009-11-03T00:55:00.002+08:00

I think I have been reminded of my purpose in life, again :) To trace back my roots. Yes. The Malay history, fight for the Malay rights or at least, be a real Malay and be a good person, who can answer to people who ask about my roots in the future. Preserve history so that it would not die. Such that the sacrifices of our forefathers would not go into vain. So that the future generation would appreciate this land in the future, even if it is claimed to not be theirs, at least they would feel patriotic, and maybe Insya'Allah, learn to fight for their rights.

Currently doing a research on 14th century in Singapore. The internet has nothing about Singapore's history. So propaganda. Since when did Singapore's history started from 19th century?? This is the reason why I did not like history and social studies in secondary school. They fill us up with crap. So I did not give a damn. Lucky for me, I had my other subjects in control to help me get into poly. Haha. Ok. I'm just angry that I know things that people do not know but they should KNOW! I'm angry at the person who stopped educating us with what we should know. I don't wanna be a Singaporean Idiot as Greenday would sing.

Lucky for me Uncle Rashid and Aunty Rahmah came to my house to tell me all about Singapore's history. I am going to write all that I know and I will document it. It will be a documentation about Singapore's history based on real accounts and not based on only artefacts or internet research.

Never trust internet for Singapore history. Even if it is claimed to be a government site. They spelt Sang Nila Utama as Sang Mila Utama. Oh my god! I am so embarrassed to be a Singaporean for a second there!

People, live to know your roots. Without your roots, who are you? What are you now? Children of capitalism... Even if you claim it to be democratic.

So bored

2009-11-01T18:10:00.000+08:00

Current situation:
Bored.
Amazed by Irshaad's lappy.
Still exploring Irshaad's lappy.
Thirsty.
Bored.
Still bored.
Oh GOD help me!!!

This is it!

2009-10-31T23:52:00.002+08:00

Now I think I have my answer. The answer to why I feel dead. Why I feel like I am not being myself. For these past 10 months or more. And I still wonder though... What had been missing? Why is it that I don't feel my own presence? I thought I was lost.

I remember those times though, when I used to blog frequently... Reflecting on my life. I would always wonder... Why was I given the signs? Even if I do not ask for it? For the past few months that I've lost myself, I think I had been too arrogant to even see the signs. I was so arrogant that I did not even notice I was being arrogant! What a big pity.

But now I know. What had kept me for being me is family. My beliefs. My way of life. Reflecting everyday, putting it down in words... I just loved reflecting. Oh those days. The days where I cherished every moment of my life. When I knew whatever I was doing... When all I cared was to make people happy, not for making people accept me! Why did I change? Why did I change for the worse?? Now I am talking to the girl in the mirror. Now I know what is wrong with her!

God forgive me and my sins. There is nothing I need most other than You. For You are my guide, for you are my light. You shine my way when I led myself into the loom (like 90% of the time!) And you were always there for me... even when I did not notice you. Sometimes I even forget you. Damn me. Now I realise that I do not deserve to go to Your heaven at all. Oh Allah, have mercy on me. Because I do not have the strength to step in Your hell, let alone be Your hellfire.

I felt the ground shake at Far East Plaza just now. Ideas came into my head. What if the building were too fall? Would I still be alive? What about my siblings? Will I get the chance to tell my mom I love her? Would I be able to ask for forgiveness from my relatives and friends? Will I even be given the chance to repent? If I die, and I don't repent, that means I would not have any chance to repent! I will go to hell?! I pushed the thoughts away. Too much to handle.

Then we watched "This is it". MJ. My all time favourite. My idol since I was six. Why people love Michael? Now I know. He is humble. No matter what race, no matter who are you, even if you are amongst the enemy, he will still say "God bless you", "I love you". His tone of voice is so soft. It is as if he is singing but he is actually talking. The way he brings himself is so exquisite and fine. The way he works... very detailed. He is the best of the best that only the best can work with him! masya'Allah.

He gave me the chance to see this movie. To see for myself, what I had been missing. To help me find my answers. I am so touched by His care and love. So touched.

Alhamdulillah Syukurillah, for I have found my answers.
Thak you Allah.

'HALLOWEEN' Freaks Me Out...

2009-10-18T01:49:00.002+08:00

Pfft... what a day! Went to Ang Mo Kio today... Recce the Town Garden. Pretty small area... But we were amazed by the awesome background that the softscape gives us for our photos. Such lush greenery!

One good thing is that we had to climb up the hills. After three months of solid 'Heavy' lunchs and no exercise, we went back to square one and started on our Final Year Project. Yeah baby, work it out! Tomorrow is going to be Fort Canning 'Day' For us. Haha. Gonna leave home early in the morning and start our recce.

Then we went to watch Halloween with Ziza's family :S I swear I felt like crying and vomitting through out the whole show! It gave me no room to breath. I could only gasp. Luckily, Hakam was there to make me feel safe. Even though it felt so awkward because I was sitting next to his mom. :l Okay, I am going to relax and calm down. Next week, my favourite cousin is getting married! But tomorrow... jeng3... I'm gonna see him again! Teehee! Can't wait. :))

Nobody knows what kind of love we share.

Now that I am back!

2009-10-13T17:27:00.003+08:00

Got myself mobile broadband from M1 :) So... I can get internet access anywhere, provided I bring my lappy. But I'm not going to do that everytime. Even if I do, I have to be very careful.... So that I would not lose my Laptop any more :)

Something has been smothering me... I had an argument with a friend that time. After reading my posts, do you think I have problems with my english? I mean, I know I did not get a distinction for English during my o's but Seriously?

I asked her that if she thinks I had problems with my english, why don't she correct it? So I asked her to correct me. And guess what? She could not answer! Pfft. Come on lah. Oh ya, she had problems with my TycoPrincess nick name. *Clenches fist* Come on lah! Anyone who has played pool with me knows that I'm Tyco... She thinks tyco is good? You don't know the rules of pool is it? If I wanted to show off, I would have nicknamed myself "PoolPrincess" Or some name. I really don't like this kind of people. Problematic.

Ok now I'm done venting my anger. haha. Everytime I think of her, it makes me angry. I can't believe I was so good to her last time. Badigol kan? Now, she's like a backstabber. You know, in Malay there's this saying... Bagai melepaskan anjing yang tersepit. Like you help a dog, what does it do after that? Thank you? No... It runs. I can't Believe I was good to a female dog.

BTW, Happy Birthday Mika! I can't believe you are seven... I thought you were 8!!

Great Book!

2009-10-01T10:34:00.002+08:00

"I Believe You"

http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyoufn.htm

“You’re like the North Pole of a magnet bar, and Jacky is also like the North Pole of a magnet bar. There’s no way for both of you to be close together. There’s a force that’ll always push you both apart. This force is called the obstacle, like interest differences, communication problems and etc.“However, if you put a metal bar in between, both you magnets will stick to it. And you’ll be close to each other. That metal bar dissolves the force that pushes both of you away. And that metal bar is what we called love.”

*How nice!!!*

This book is actually about a NJC girl sufferring from OCD. The journey tells of how a schoolmate helped this introvert demise her illness, and they end up falling in love. The twist? Both believe that they can't love. :)

utterly BORED.

2009-09-16T10:55:00.002+08:00

So, I decided to take this picture of the office desk that I have been working on. It's ONE of the office desks, to be precise. The other, is much more... *ehem* messier. HurHur....

Notice the two cordless mouse? I always get confuse between the two haha! And I'll end up getting irritated at myself. You might wonder why I need a laptop when I have a Desktop... well, its simply because, the Desktop does not have Autocad installed... and my laptop? Well, there's no wireless internet access available :( heh. How Cool...

Ok, the fax machine's ringing! (That has got nothing to do with me but yeah... bye!)

Reply Post To Azimah Azman

2009-09-10T09:31:00.004+08:00

My dear friend Azimah has posted a very powerful video in her blog. It is a quote.

Excerpt From 'Coach Carter'

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkess that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."

Now, how would I reiterate this quote in my own words? Well, here it goes.

We are most afraid of being powerful, not of being weak. By acting weak, it does not do any justice; there is nothing good about being small so that others would feel comfortable around you. Everyone is meant to shine; as children do. And as we let ourself to soar, we sub-consciously allows others to do so. And as we are freed from our own fears, our presence automatically frees others from their fears.

In a nutshell, when you are 'average', people are comfortable with you. But when you are excellent, you allow other people to excel with you.

I have a life lesson that has something to do with you (Azimah). I used to be bad at maths and never wanted to excel (since Pri 2) because none of my friends do. And I hated being a nerd, although I used to look like one. I wanted to be cool in school. So I did not really care about maths. And so, there was a bunch of us who hated maths, and only a handful of 'nerds', I must say.

But, it was only in sec 4 (where I met you) that I realise I had to be good in maths. I did not care how, but I managed to open my heart to accept maths. When I accepted maths, I listened and paid attention more to the teacher. Although some of the guys in our class were fooling around, I still wanted to learn. Of course, I could choose to be 'cool' and join them. But I did not want to. I can act like I want to be good in maths and practise everyday, and drown myself in the 10 year series. But nothing would be accomplished until you learn to accept and learn from your mistakes and remember not to do it again.

So, when it was time to apply, we have to practise. This part is the most challenging because you want to still look cool. But 'cool' in another way and also a positive way. Of course you can choose to ask your friends and they will tell you they know nuts about maths. Especially when you have a bestfriend who would squeeze her pimples every time when she starts doing her 10 year series. (Sorry Lynn! haha) Now, how depressing is that??

Did you remember? That was when I looked and turned to you. I wanted to be good. You looked like you are keen in being good. There was nobody whom I could look up to at that point of time. We were into cliques and the class was not that good in maths. So that made the situation difficult. Tell me one time when Ms Cheong (our maths teacher/FORM teacher) would come into class and not nag at us about maths? ahaha. And we would make fun of her hair and what not... haha. Those days... But hey, she was the one who made me accept maths. I owe her big time.

So yeah, that was when I started being diligent with the 10 year series. *New best friend aye.* And as I thought you were approachable bacause you seem keen to excel, I gave you a call when I had problems with maths. In return, you'd stay up with me, doing maths all night... haha, ON THE PHONE! How cool. But that was the best moments I had in life. I gained 2 new best friends there. Good and real best friends. And now, as we have achieved our goals, we look up to each other. Imagine having a lot of friends... sharing the same friendship like we have... Always looking up to each other. Never stepping each other down. And we tell each other how we look up to each other and we mean it. :) Alhamdulillah for a friend like you.

A healthy friendship needs reciprocation. If one tells you that he/she looks up to you, never ever let her down by disregarding her remark. Always accept it and thank him/her and reciprocate. Find something that is good about her, and tell her. There is nothing to lose, in addition you will gain a real friend of a lifetime.

Like the quote above Azimah, you wanted to excel and you allowed me to. You let me excel because without you, I would still be clueless about maths. Although both of us were not that good, we had the same interests and we generate each other's logical thinking skills. And we learn together. We deciphered each questions together. I never regret that moment of my life. Never.

Until we meet again,
Assalamua'laikum :)

Masyallah

2009-09-08T11:06:00.000+08:00

Bukan mudah Ya ALLAH…
Berdiri di tangga kemewahan, kenikmatan dan kesenangan
Keindahan dunia ini menganggu ku
Kemanisan hubbu dunya ini mencarik-carik imanku
Dimanakah aku tanpa kecintaan padaMU

Aku runsing Ya ALLAH
Aku berlari ke sana dan ke sini
Aku mencari dan terus mencari
Dimanakah ku tagih cinta Ilahi
Bagaimana harus ku bayar nikmat yang Kau beri
Sedang aku tidak diuji
Maka saat aku tidak diuji, adalah ujian yang terbesar sekali
Andai bisa aku berbicara denganMU
Dan ku harap Kau mendengar pengaduanku
Sungguh aku bukan bercakap kosong
Inilah keluhan hatiku
Yang merindu cinta MU, yang mengharap keredhaan MU….

Ampuni aku Ya ALLAH
Aku lemah lagi tak bermaya
Melawan sesuatu yang digelar fana dunia
Aku tak mampu Ya ALLAH,
Belenggu ini menghimpit ku…
Belenggu ini menghiburkan hatiku
Sehingga aku senang denganya
Sehingga aku takut kehilanganya
Sedang cintaMU itu sangat luar biasa…
Sedang cintaMU itu lebih dari segala-galanya…

Sungguh aku tak layak Ya ALLAH menghampiri syurgaMU
Dan pasti menggeletarlah seluruh tubuhku mendengarkan api nerakaMU
Lalu ke manakah langkahku
Selayaknya dimanakah tempatku
Atas redhaMU ya Rabbi..
aku hanya menuruti
Andai aku diseksa, kan aku patuhi
Asalkan Kau meredhai hidupku ini

Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sudi menyayangi diri ini
Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sering mendengar pengharapan serta pengaduanku
Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sering bersama-sama denganku,
tak kira apa keadaan imanku
Sesungguhnya Ya ALLAH,
cinta ku hanya milikMU…

*taken from azraqjuniormuslimahgirl

Renungan Ramadhan 3

2009-09-08T10:43:00.001+08:00

Sesekali kita terbang meranjau, manggapai langit. Dan sesekali kita jatuh, terhempap mencium bumi. Apabila perkara itu berlaku, apakah kita akan terus mengalah dan serik?

Seandainya kau melihat redup renungannya, mungkin kau akan sedari, mungkin kau kan fahami...

Seringkali kita ucapkan syukur kepadaNya, dan selalunya kita bertanya apakah silap salah hingga mendapat balasan seperti ini. Sebagai manusia, kita leka. Leka bahawa dengan ujian sebegini, ia mengingatkan... Ia menyedarkan. Itulah petanda untuk pulang ke jalan asal.

Mengapakah kita selalu mempersalahkan orang lain? Mengapa kekadang kita rasa diri kita ini hebat? Mengapakah acapkali kita tidak ambil peduli, berkata dan mengucap sesuka hati. Maka itu lah saat-saat apabila diri leka.

Renungan Ramadhan 2

2009-09-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

Seseorang itu harus mempunyai keyakinan diri apabila membuat sesuatu keputusan. Itu sudah tentu dan tidak dapat dinafikan lagi. Jika dia tidak yakin pada dirinya, tentu dia sudah bertanya kepada orang yang pada pandangannya lebih alim.
Namun begitu, jangan pula kita sangka bahawa, jikalau seseorang itu bertanya kepada kita tentang sesuatu, dirinya itu lemah dan dia mendongak kepada kita. Jangan sesekali engkau sombong. Sebenarnya orang yang suka bertanya itu lebih bijak daripada orang yang suka memberi jawapan.
Bayangkan, seseorang yang suka bertanya akan menujukan soalan yang sama kepada lima orang yang berlainan pendapat. Dia yang untung kerana dia mempunyai lima jawapan dan terserah kepadanya untuk menggunakan akal fikirannya supaya dapat menapis informasi yang tidak realistik atau relevan. Dan sisanya adalah jawapan yang 99% tepat.
Manakala orang yang merasakan dirinya itu alim (berpengetahuan) dan tidak memerlukan pandangan orang lain, adalah orang yang paling rugi kerana belum tentu jawapan yang telah diandaikannya sendiri itu betul. Lalu diberitahu jawapannya kepada orang lain. Jika salah, malulah dia, dan bodohlah dia kerana dia telah mengikut ‘kepandaiannya’ membabi buta selama ini.
Namun, tidak semua orang yang suka bertanya dan berpengetahuan seperti itu. Sebab itu diadakan akal dan fikiran. Segala kejadian adalah unuk kita nilaikan sendiri. Hanya Allah S.W.T yang maha bijaksana.

Renungan Ramadhan 1

2009-09-01T10:52:00.001+08:00

1
Lebih seminggu Ramadhan sudah menemani kita. Banyak yang dapat dipelajari and kini, banyak juga yang dapat direnungkan. Alangkah hibanya hati ini terasa apabila mengenangkan nasib yang kita, kaum manusia sendiri, cari.
Apakah benar kesejahteraan dan kemakmuran itu hadir kerana kita? Ataukah, kesejahteraan dan kemakmuran itu hadir kerana kelalaian diri kita sendiri?
Kerana kita tidak mengambil berat tentang orang lain yang tidak senasib dengan kita? Lalu kita menginjakkan lagi semangatnya dengan mengheboh-hebohkan kekurangannya? Lalu si polan sabar dengan keterangan itu kerana dia tahu bahawa dia, yang mencacinya itu tadi, tidak akan faham pekara yang dialaminya kerana dua dunia mereka berbeza. Lantas, Sang Sombong membodohkan dirinya lalu berjalan lagi megah. Adakah itu wajar dan patut dilakukan?
Pelbagai jenis manusia hidup di dunia ini. Terlalu banyak jenis untuk dinamakan. Untuk kemudahan, dan supaya tidak ada perbelahan, kita anggap diri kita SAMA. Maka itu lah kesalahan dan kekurangan kita. Sebenarnya, kita tidak sama. Kita semua adalah lain. Entiti tersendiri. Cap jari kita lain. Mata kita lain. MUNGKIN sahaja, hati dan kepercayaan kita yang sama.
Mengapa kita selalu lalai, hingga melampau? Terlalu lalai mendatangkan riya’, kejijikan, dan ia akan memudaratkan diri kita sendiri. Selalu kita lupa pada ‘nawaitu’. Seringkali kita lupa bertanya akan kenapa perkara itu boleh terjadi. Dan acapkali, kita leka kerana kita telah dikurniakan ni’mat yang terlebihnya daripada Allah S.W.T, hingga kita lupa pada diri kita. Adakah engkau berpijak pada bumi? Ataukah engkau masih berada didalam khayalan sendiri? Sedarlah.
Mengapa kita hidup begini? Seperti orang yang tidak ada arah tujuan? Kais pagi , makan pagi. Visi kita tidak sama dengan kepercayaan kita. Tunggu, adakah kita faham akan kepercayaan kita itu? Apakah kepercayaan kita? Kepercayaan yang telah dinodai dengan dunia yang kita lahirkan. Islam. Apakah itu Islam? Adakah kita hidup dengan cara Islam yang sepenuhnya? Apakah kita sebagai umat Islam, mempunyai pendirian sendiri? Adakah kita masih mengangkat agama dan kepercayaan kita seperti mana diharapkan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W ? Ataukah, kita masih lalai dang terlalu terpengaruh dengan dunia hingga kita melupakan asal-usul. Bangkitlah.
Kita adalah panji-panji kepada agama yang amat mulia ini. Jangan kita suka bertengkar sesame sendiri. Jangan kita suka merendahkan satu sama lain. Jangan kita suka membongkakkan diri kita dan terus berjalan menghadap ke langit. Astaghfirullah.

To All Muslimins and Muslimahs...

2009-08-25T10:18:00.003+08:00

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan
Yang Penuh Barakah Dan Kesucian

Semoga Segala Amalan Kami Diberkati Allah S.W.T

*Maa fi Qalbi Ghairullah*

Syukurullah

2009-08-25T10:10:00.000+08:00

Hello people! Long time no blog... heh... *cheeky smile* Have been busy with work... Juggling two jobs which are filling my life positively. Very nice... So fulfilling :) God, I am so thankful that I have two bosses who are very nice pwople. And what's nice is that both my bosses work with their spouses! Haha. So sometimes I feel like being treated like a kid. Ok, not sometimes... Its all the time!

-Sometimes people aren't thankful. And sometimes, it hurts.

Alone in the office

2009-08-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

:) Alhamdulillah.
I currently am still in love with my SIP :) (Yeay! Sambut Raya @ BLG!!)

*Ya Allah kurniakan lah ketenangan dunia akhirat
selamat kan kami dari azab Mu
tunjukkan kami jalan lurus Mu
kami memohon hidayahMu
dekatkan kami sunnah Nabi Mu"

Bored.

2009-08-13T09:52:00.000+08:00

Omfg? almost been 1 month that I have not updated my blog?? haha. How... Funny?

I have a lot of things to say.
Alot of complains, and alot of new experiences to share.

However life seems to be a routine.

I'll share once I get out of this 'boring' state of life.

You are not alone

2009-07-14T23:52:00.002+08:00

I feel lethargic to do my model... Tsk. MODEL! Ahhhh... Model... Tsk... I have approximately 48 hrs to finish 2 models... and I dare say that one model would take like 6-8 hours... Minus 5hrs of school+journey to and fro. 8 times 2.... 11! Yeay, 11 hrs of sleep? Great!

Can I just do one model?????? I have been procrastinating and this is the day I have to face my fears. I have to do it! I have to do it! I must do it! That's it!

Go fresh up... Do a good job. Fast and Smart. :) Let's Fight now. Pray as hard as you'd work hard in life.

Insyallah, everything will end soon.

-Guilty as I am...

What was that?

2009-06-25T12:35:00.003+08:00

Basically I got a position as an intern already at a company run by a malay ;) And I am very happy to have accepted the second offer. What second offer you might ask. Well. Here is my part of the story.

Companies were issued to us before our two weeks break. I got mine and was given 15 minutes to think about it. I almost wanted to acccept the offer because of the people, and the job scope and such. However, after calling my father, I opted for self-procurement. After class, my father gave me a list of companies. But none of them caught my eye. I still wanted that company though I know that its going to pay me peanuts.

I never sent a resume. The next few days, my father told me he might know the managing director of the company. So I called to ask if he was the one my father was talking about. True enough. I accept what had been written. We came to another conclusion after discussing and he kept the place for me. Alhamdulillah.

So tell me now. Am I lucky or what?

Electrifying Shock.

2009-06-25T12:11:00.002+08:00

He's coming back today! Yippee!

Student Internship Programme. Very... Justifying I suppose. It made me realise why am I in this Environment Design Diploma. After more than two years of being stucked inside a 'chamber' with uber number of failures, the question imposed remains to be, "Have I made the right choice?" A couple of endurance and there you go. A door opens for you. A new opportunity, a new perspective.

"You mean, they were all lies?" No, I shall not take them as lies. What these people tell us that makes us think twice does not really happen to everyone. Especially, not them. Oh tell me, if they had gone through all that disastrous moments successfully, would they be where they are now? You mean they are superhumans? Very humble people? All I see is people who could not go futher so they push us to chase their dreams. I am NOT saying that this is BAD but sometimes, when you push too much, you do get off guard. Is this what you want to get at the end of the day? Hopefuls being uncertain of their own dreams and thinking twice about their passion?

"FORGET IT! I'm getting out!" Some might say. But they say, it is when you want to give up that success is near. And maybe I can feel that for myself. Not success in terms of academic, but Success in keeping what I believe alive. I almost gave up and wanted to throw my passion away. Just get that damn cert and let's run away from here. Don't look back. But God has showed me a way. A new perspective. One thing that I will keep and I will always remember. This will bring me through my whole life.

I have learnt that not everybody are like the ones they describe to us. Not everybody likes to demoralise people. Not everybody are like that. So SCREW THEM. Let's move on with a life I wanna lead. A lot of people deserves to be the golf ball in my jar. But some also deserve to be sand. So I am not shakened.

Movies...

2009-06-07T10:46:00.003+08:00

New Moon Coming Soon!

OMG. The trailer already makes it look so good!
I wanna watch!!!

'New Moon' Teaser Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

Long Hiatus

2009-06-01T07:46:00.002+08:00

Apologies people... I had been long one from the cyber world for a while, but guess what? Now, I am back! (yah, right) Mama Nur actually bought me a new laptop which is quite similar to my old one. Costs much lesser but better graphics. I can't believe I had been cheated once again! Omg!

The last one (V3790TU) I bought about 9 months back (?) costed 2099 but this one (CQ35 - 112TX) costed 1799. Same brand, HP Compaq. But the difference? V3790TU was latest that time, and it had the 'best' specs. 14 inch, 2.4gh, 3gb ram, scratch-resistant, what else could you ask for? But CQ35 is now the latest series and it has free upgrade from 2gb ram to 4 gb, nvidia graphics card, 13 inch, lighter than that of V3790TU and plus, fingerprint reader and 2.4 gh. The higher performance version has 500gb hdd and 4gb ram. processor is 2.6+. But 2.4 is already fast. what more if it is working on xp. haha. Wow...

Ok enough said about laptops. I got my hard disk drive and also optical mouse (wireless) for free... Hehe. Mama Nur was a real bargain queen! (the salesperson said so!) She wanted to have that laptop for 1500? Wah... *Faint* But at last we got it for 1590. settled then.

Now I haven't got enough sleep... waiting for ziza to finish doing her hair, while 'enjoying' my coffee... OMG. I forgot coffee makes me sleep!!! omg!!! no wonder I am soooo sleepy!

Ok I am dozin off already...

Gd luck for presentation Ziza! nights....

:)

2009-05-17T23:42:00.002+08:00

Yeay, at least I can still do autocad at home... :)
Although I don't have the convenience to do it in my room :(
But at least... I can do it at home :)
Alhamdulillah.
Dear laptop, when will you be coming back?
Maybe I should pray harder...

Being in design, especially Environment Design, is a very challenging phase of my life.
And without my laptop, I am sure it'll gonna be a hell of a time.
All I know, maybe, Insyallah, life will change - sometime after July.
Until then, we'll just have to live life as usual... I think.

Good luck with exams people (",)

Depressing...

2009-05-14T16:42:00.001+08:00

I had already went to make a police report. :) At least I can be sure that my laptop is categorised under 'stolen' already. It is so depressing how I can't do my design work without my laptop. I am going to reboot this computer soon and try to load Autocad into it. Such a sad thing that I can't have my laptop with me at times like this. Lappy... I miss you. I am going to leave it up to Allah s.w.t. Insyallah, my laptop will return back to me. If not now, later.

I am so careless. Useless me. oh dear.

DEVASTATED!

2009-05-12T19:22:00.002+08:00

Ok people! Guess what? I lost my LAPTOP!
OMG... There's a lot of things inside my laptop...
Its like my 'portable' studio! I detached my battery pack and adapter from it...
And yet, someone wants to take it! (Of course lah, unattended what)

I wanted to print my document and Xorex was like full of people...
So we went to IT printing shop instead, where I left my laptop on top of the boxes and printed my documents. When I paid for it and started sorting out my documents, I think that was when I became absent-minded. Not even 10 minutes and it was gone! Just like that! $4k... GONE! OMG...
And it is not even a year! What to do?? Maybe an IT student took it, I don't know... But I really hope someone returns it to me! Seriously...

Maybe I should ask Faridah's help. I don't even know how to tell my father!

Its all about you, baby.

2009-05-10T18:51:00.002+08:00

My withdrawal.
My fears.
My tantrums.
My mood swings.
My obliviousness.
My schedule.
My cravings.
Me.

The best thing about you, You ACCEPT and TOLERATE these.
No guys do.

Every night I cry myself to sleep,
thinking 'why does this happen to me?'

Anugerah

2009-05-10T16:33:00.003+08:00

They they are strumming and pressing away... one, strumming to a rock song which I do not recognise and the other playing the piano to 'better in time'. And here I am, cad-ding away! (But I'm blogging, so that practically changes cad-ding to blogging - oh whatever)

Just a brief explanation on my agenda last night. I went to Simei (my cousin drove us there). Initially, the idea was to support my uncle, and then visit my Gramps at CGH where he was warded. Alas, I wasn't able to see my Gramps because I wanted to wait for Tarmizi. (That briefly describes what kind of a granddaughter I am. Sorry Gramps. So then, I also missed my uncle's performance, because I was at LJS alone, eating my dinner. (My family did not wait for Tarmizi with me, they went to CGH and came back only around 7.30) While waiting for Tarmizi, I went to shop, but I ended up talking to a long lost primary school mate who kept on bragging about her life. Come on lah. She is engaged and getting married soon, migrating to Australia too. She confessed she is BIsexual and made out with my former best friend (LES, by the way). Should I go - "Whoa! cool!"? Nah. Rather not! Lucky her, I did not give her a long lecture. Let her just be happy with her so called 'minah-ader-future' life. Anyhoos.

Anugerah was filled with 'Dressed-up-Malay-Guys'. Never seen alot of them who are good looking in one place before. Thought it was heaven for a while, but my boy is more good-looking. 8) Alhamdulillah.

oh dear whats wrong with my lappy??

*I don't care already*

Strength

2009-05-10T00:03:00.001+08:00

Let the tears speak for itself.
Let the hopelessness show.
May the oblivious be evident.
And let me hope that I will be stronger,
like her.

How does it feel?

2009-05-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

I can't believe it.
I can't do anything when she is sad.
I wonder what kind of friend I am.
Should I call her?
But, I am afraid.
I know she would not want to talk.
Should I?
Maybe I should give it a try...

Disturbia~

2009-05-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

Watching Criminal Minds on 5.

Iamsotired. I am SO TIRED!

Oh my god. I am sooo tired. I am so tired. I am so tired.

you won't understand.

I am so saddd.....

He's Got A Hot Girlfriend!

2009-05-04T16:56:00.002+08:00

And I have to get back to work soon...
I gotta draw, draw and draw...
I am so gonna use Autocad for now cos drafting manually would take such a long time. But I am not that sure for details though. Maybe, details drawing would be on manual. MAYBE! Actually, most probably. ok anyway, why am I talking about school in my blog???

I had a fun cheery day at school today! Basically, only 3 pairs went for consultation. Hah. Take that. and it took 3 hours! k... haha. more than that I suppose. Well, lucky us...

*God, Please Make It Stop!*

The devil wears prada Again!

2009-04-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

Is this a sign?

Things are happening, and these things are portrayed in the tv shows that I've watched, and the songs that I've heard... These same things are happening again and again. Sub-consequently... Continuously... And I keep wondering if it is a sign...

I hate it when I have to be busy with school and I get too engrossed with it, I just don't know or do not realise people calling me or msn-ing me. I just can't take this. I am as guilty as charged! (As what Ziza would say...) Ugh. I need therapy... I need more time. I need to make time.

I am NOT in deep sh*t. I am Not in deep sh*t. I am NOT in deep sh*t! (Meditates...)

Lazybum

2009-04-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

If I have to work or earn by writing, so be it. I just love doing it! (Provided that I have enough sleep and inspiration) So. What shall we write about today?

My junior from secondary school, had her face portrayed in the papers today! I thought to myself, how lucky it is for her to be there, in her position right now, a position I had visualised of myself to be in some time, a few years back. Singing, acting, being in the entertainment industry would be cool... But maybe I am not prepared for that now. For fun, maybe yes. (God! Mika is singing by the window sill... What the!)

And after 'work', I karaoke-d and then I lied on my bed with my laptop and began surfing away. What did Indulged myself in? Youtube videos of celebs and paparazzi's. That was unintentional though. Everything was unintentional. Dang. Is it a sign??

Haha. We shall just go with the flow k.

So addicted to this song because of its beautiful meaning...

2009-04-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

Antara 2 Cinta - Raihan

Apa yang ada jarang disyukuri
Apa yang tiada sering dirisaukan
Nikmat yang dikecap
Baru kan terasa bila hilang
Apa yang diburu timbul rasa jemu
Bila sudah di dalam genggaman

Dunia ibarat air laut
Diminum hanya menambah haus
Nafsu bagaikan fatamorgana di padang pasir
Panas yang membahang disangka air
Dunia dan nafsu bagai bayang-bayang
Dilihat ada ditangkap hilang

Tuhan leraikanlah dunia
Yang mendiam di dalam hatiku
Kerana di situ tidakku mampu
Mengumpul dua cinta
Hanya cinta-Mu kuharap tumbuh
Dibajai bangkai dunia yang kubunuh

Sad one...

2009-04-24T20:41:00.002+08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html

I don't know why I feel so... angry... Especially after reading this article. Especially when I feel like the mom is oblivious. She let her son get bullied? Tried a few times, nothing happened? Hello?!!! Try agin and again and again lah! That is America. Things don't happen if you just talk ok! You think its like Singapore? You complain and complain and 60% chance something happens? And when your son is dead you tell us that something has got to be done. Ya. Isn't that too late now?? Should have confronted the boy now shouldn't you? At least should have not gave up on encouraging your son to speak up. I guess, you have not been doing what a mom should do.

I empathize the boy. He is so cute, eleven years old.

Lucky to have my mom.

Miley And Swift on charts...

2009-04-24T17:00:00.001+08:00

Although Taylor Swift went down steeply from #1 to #10, I do not mind because... My Miley is on the top of the charts! Whee...

Dang I read a lot.

Going Bonkers

2009-04-24T16:14:00.003+08:00

Japan... Japan.... Japan....

Heard the news? A shocking article caught my eyes while I was scanning through the yahoo! homepage. Guess what? Japan is paying foreign workers (Latin Americans of Japanese descents) to go back to Brazil and once they agree, they are not allowed to find a job in Japan anymore. Not even their children can go back to find jobs. These people are kicked out of their 'homes' with a bit of cash! I'm sure these 'Americans' were shattered.

The main reason to Japan's decision was that they wanted all jobs to be taken by their own citizens. Which I must say, is not wrong. You are the government, you take care of the people. When your people need jobs, get them jobs. But why 'throw-out', specifically, the Nikkei Americans? Do their numbers make up the majority of foreign workers in Japan? Why can't they create more jobs?

Maybe, they have a problem with America too...
It's so obvious.

Article Link

Did you know that starting a business during recession has its benefits??

*I am not going to chase the world. I want to chase the afterlife. And the world will chase after me. I won't let myself be blinded.*

Growing Up to be like 'Em~

2009-04-24T09:46:00.001+08:00

Hah! My two loves...

Destiny Hope and Demetria Devonne

Don't they just look good?